happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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