you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
