Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
