dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just puked most of my soul out..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
