Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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