I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
