so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
