My underwear smells like fireworks.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's never too late to be topless.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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