Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
