i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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