Pappa wants mamma naked
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
