Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
