Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
