Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
