if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
