Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
