is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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