i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
