Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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