I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
