he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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