we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
