omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
