9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
