Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
