my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
