i just wanna soil my oats bro
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
