I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
