i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
