im drinking this country out of the recession.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
