Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i now understand why vodka
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
