I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
