Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
