I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
