do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
