WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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