That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So many bounce houses so little time
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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