so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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