nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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