At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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