if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
did i just pee glitter
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
