You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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