im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
