I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
