my mouth tastes like poor choices
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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