turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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