420 ftw
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
