It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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