I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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