Screwed.edu
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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