I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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