Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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