We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
