He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
