If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i need some magic done to my vagina
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
