in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
