Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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