Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize