if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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