I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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