You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize