Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
