If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
