You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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