Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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