I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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