I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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