I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
