She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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