Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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