My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
