so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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