dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
