went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
