I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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