found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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